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| The New Yorker ************** ________________________________________________ |
I have to go home, I have to buy twenty two presents; that's how it's always done, I have to eat all the food my family makes or they are hurt; even if it's like being in FOOD PRISON. Quite often, these 'requests' that are to be met make it difficult to meet what you really want for yourself. Rather than scream or clobber someone out of the mounting frustration of demands, be pro-active and choose some things to do in the midst of observing your holiday traditions that inspire or at least get you further away from feeling dutiful and acted upon.
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But first a clip from the film, HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS. My favorite section is at 50 and involves an exchanged glance. What speaks to you ?
Okay, so back to requirements:
If you are participating in events because you feel you have to ( obligation), think about what kind of experiences you would enjoy even as you encounter dominant forces like Granny,your parents and miscellaneous folks who only want you to do things their way. Finding a way to connect to your own want and then using it to join, will give you a better chance to feel inspired because there will be pleasure and engagement for you rather than tolerating a situation.
Here are some possibilities for taking care of yourself as you are also
TAKING SPACE WITH GRACE.
CONNECT WITH OTHERS: FIND AN ACTIVITY THAT YOU ENJOY AND SHARE IT
1) Bring activities you like; make some art..a poster, cards or bake a cake or teach someone to knit, bring a favorite book you can share like a book of cartoons, photographs, a guide to a country you love and have or want to visit.
2) Find out ahead of time if anyone is coming or is in town who has a similar interests. Plan a meeting or activity. This is something to look forward to.
3) If your family watches a movie; can you bring one or weigh in on suggestions.
4) Be the family photographer. You can be there but you don't have to get into detailed conversation if you would prefer not to.
5) Find an event that you can attend solo or with a kid or some other family member.
CONNECTING TO YOURSELF: TO REPLENISH AND RESTORE
1) Bring a project either personal or work. Excuse yourself and move into another room or a local coffee shop so that you can carve out time where you are not relating to others. This project can be anything that speaks to your well-being and you don't have to explain and justify this to anyone.
2) Exercise to maintain a health routine. If someone complains..simply state..'I have to do this for my health; I'll definitely be with you later', (subtitle: I'm doing this so back off but done with grace)
3) Can you bring someone with you that is a buffer if you are entering a difficult situation. Sometimes this can diffuse problems and keep people on better behavior.
4) Go for walks.
5) Take breaks and listen to music you like.
TAKE SPACE WITH GRACE WITH MORE EASE BY LOCATING WAYS TO FEEL COMFORT, FUN AND SATISFACTIONS THAT ENGAGE YOU AND THEN SHARE WHAT WORKS.
P.S. If nothing works to connect and you feel inside yourself the need to scream..please do. Find a private place or call a friend who gets it and validate an authentic moment or watch this and know you are not alone.
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BAA HUMBUG (sort of)
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IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO SUBMIT QUESTIONS, PLEASE DO. I'LL BRAINSTORM WITH YOU.
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND GOODWILL TOWARD MEN AND WOMEN
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